Chp 4 - Dating Three to Find the One

Moderation is key; it keeps you from moving too fast or too slow when getting to know men and the most powerful way to achieve this is through the dating program of three.  Not to be confused with the urban legend "three date rule" where a guy is potentially the one and you must have sex with him by then or lose him forever. On this dating program you avoid that pressured decision and by not seeing any one man too often and you find the men who are really into you.

This program works because it helps keep you from making the number one mistake of the addictive moth-to-a-flame overinvolvement with a new guy who is supposedly the "one."  All reason goes out the window when we fall in love, because our brain makes large quantities of dopamine and norepinephrine.  Also when we fall in love our seratonin levels falls and resemble the levels found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders; which is why we tend to fantasize and obsess about our new beau.

Anther benefit of the program is it gets them going, because some men are wired to compete and win in the courtship game, so competitiveness gets them aroused.  When you're not readily available it essentially makes them want you more.  "Those who want to trigger romance in a would-be lover might artfully create some mystery, barriers and uncertainty in the relationship."

Dating three guys helps clarify what you want and need in a man, because you can easily and instantly compare and contrast.  This program is challenging, but empowering.  Drew, a 42 year old single executive with weight issues says: "I particularly thought the point of "dating three guys at once" was amusing at first, but then you know...it worked. Even though at times I knew some guy wasn't going to be the love of my life, it was still a diversion from getting involved with another guy too fast. Last summer I joined eHarmony and ended up meeting a really nice guy, although at first not necessarily what I thought I was looking for; we got along great, have tons in common and it's by far the most mature and healthy relationship I have ever been in.  We got engaged this past October..."

One step in this program is you have to cut back on the negative self talk such as I'm too fat, too old, too shy, I have too much cellulite...this kind of thinking compels women to latch on to the first guy who is remotely interested because they don't think they can do any better.  There's a powerful blog on this subject called "worthless women and the men who make them" that illustrates this issue: http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html

There is nothing like having three men interested in you to boost your self esteem.  You'll begin to sort through and select men for yourself based on what you want and need.  Men have been in this role for years; they have traditionally been the one sorting and selecting and now it's time for you to turn the tables!