"We all have bad habits. They may be self-sabotating ways you think about yourself, men or relationships. Others are dysfunctional ways of dating or being in a couple. Our negative beliefs and behaviors reinforce each other and together create the Deadly Dating Patterns."
The author came up with what she calls the 13 Deadly Dating Patterns, which are ways we are ruining our potential relationships. It is common to be stuck in more than one deadly dating pattern, however, there is hope! Once you identify which ones are your patterns she offers advice on how to break free...
1 - The Flame Out - You meet a guy, there's lots of sparks and he says all the right things! You talk for hours, he tells you how amazing you are and you spend a glorious weekend together and then....nothing; you never hear from him again. (The girls in my circle call these guys "poofers.")
Flame Out warning sign: He is intimate, adoring and irresistible from day one and you feel out of control, like an addict who craves her fix: Him!
2 - The Fantasy Relationship - You are crazy about and intensely focused on a man who really has no romantic interest in you.
Fantasy Relationship warning sign: Deep down you feel empty, sad and-if you are honest-angry, rejected and heartbroken by your so-called partner.
3 - Crumbs - You are involved with a guy (typically someone who is married or a hot, irresistible player) who sees you occasionally and only when it works in his schedule.
Crumbs warning sign: Your partner is always making it up to you for time spent away, holidays missed or being with another woman.
4 - The Hermit - You're too busy. You spend all your time working, doing errands, walking the dog that by the time you get home all you want to do is stay home and watch TV.
Hermit warning sign: You get more pleasure out of watching a romantic comedy by yourself or with your friends than actually flirting with guys or going out on dates.
5 - I'll Make You Love Me - You're turned on by the challenge of winning a guy over; you do everything you think he wants without accounting for your own needs and desires.
I'll Make You Love Me warning sign: while you try to hide it, you feel bored, unhappy or annoyed by something almost all of the time that you spend with your partner.
6 - Abuse Recycle - Usually this starts out great; you meet a fabulous guy then down the road you find out he's unbelievably controlling, paranoid or just plain mean.
Abuse Recycle warning sign: you are in a downward spiral where you feel worse and worse about yourself the longer you are with this guy.
7 - The Safety Net - This is when a guy is totally crazy about you and you really think he's not good enough for you in one way or another...whether it's he's too nerdy, ugly, unsuccesful, etc. but you start seeing him, because you think he'll never leave you.
The Safety Net warning sign: you only notice how hot your safety net could be when he is talking or flirting with another girl at a party.
8 - Not Perfect-I'll Pass - You quickly dismiss guys based on various defects such as he's too cynical, has bad teeth or he wore a pink shirt. The truth is you don't really give any of them a chance; no one is good enough.
Not Perfect-I'll Pass warning sign: you keep wondering why a woman like you who has so much going for her is single and alone.
9 - Chase Me - You meet a guy and everything is unfolding perfectly; too perfectly...then you find yourself running away while secretly hoping he'll chase after you.
Chase Me warning sign: you love him, you hate him, you just don't give a shit - and you can't stop yourself from acting bitchy or distant.
10 - Fade Away - You finally get yourself out there and start dating, but for some reason you never hear back from them after the initial date. You're driving guys away with subtle verbal or nonverbal signals.
Fade Away warning sign: On dates you're not being spontaneous, quirky or real like you are when you hang out with your close friends.
11 - Jealousy Trap - When you're dating a guy and you get jealous of other women showing any kind of interest or affection and you drag the relationship downhill with your paranoid thinking, sulking and jabbing accusations.
Jealousy Trap warning sign: your thoughts always stray to the other woman and what your guy is really doing or wants to do with her; you feel tense and irritable.
12 - Just Buddies - You have no problem meeting guys, but you're treated like one of the guys and play love counselor for them as they pine for another girl.
Just Buddies warning sign: getting dressed up and beautiful for a date makes you feel truly strange and uncomfortable, like you're not being the real you.
13 - The Grass is Greener - You meet guys with potential, but have a hard time settling down or choosing because you're worried you'll miss out on something better that may come along.
Grass is Greener warning sign: You are constantly thinking, thinking, thinking-analyzing your boyfriend and comparing him to an imagined or real guy who seems to be so much better.
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